A glimmer in your eye…
First genuine smile I’ve seen in a while. We’ve had a rough few weeks.
We took your “fire” away 2 weeks ago…
It’s been so difficult for you to adjust. You have grieved the loss of this ever so dear comfort.
After an endless night of repeated spankings for screaming in the middle of the night, & climbing out of your bed,
I awoke to your pee filled diaper & to my shock & disbelief a bruised of little rear. My heart fell into my stomach & I thought I might vomit.
I did that. I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t out of control, I was following through with what I committed to… Consequences get disciplined.
I could go on & on about parenting philosophies & beliefs, but this is for you my sweet precious toddler that I have held & apologized so much to in the last 24hrs… So what you want to hear is my heart, not my head.
I love you, & you got your paci back not because I was weak, but because I needed a lesson in pride. I am sorry that I have this unspoken expectation on you to hurry up & get older. Its like I want to catch up to your siblings & I refrain from wanting Willow moving at all.
I was broken on Friday morning, but as I dressed you up in your sparkly play skirt with Paisley I watched you mimic & copy every move she made, & I saw you. I mean I really saw you…
You need to me to see you, not see what I’ve done with your 17 mth older brother & sister or your oldest brother. You need me to see what’s best & right for you. Like you are the only one, not one of many.
You deserve my best. You deserve to be a toddler. I love you Betsy. I’m sorry I think I have things figured out sometimes. I pray that in your strength you’ll have a desire to walk in humility. Getting a lesson in it from you has been good for my soul.
Good night my firegirl.